Affirmation isn’t a Luxury, it’s a Matter of Survival

“Living in queerness – or at the intersection of multiple identities – can feel like being invisible, even in rooms full of people. What we need is affirmation.”

Finding reflections of who we were, and who we’re still becoming, reminds us how powerful it is to be seen, and how dangerous it can be when that visibility is denied, especially by parents, families and friends.

The need to be loved – to belong – is universal, yet for many queer young people, it’s often conditional. Acceptance may depend on their ability to conform to expectations, suppress aspects of their identity, or remain silent about who they truly are. Within families, schools, and social environments that privilege heteronormative or cisnormative norms, being queer and visible comes with a cost. As a result, many queer individuals learn to adapt. Wearing masks, acting as a chameleon, learning to shift shape and surviving in silence becomes the norm.

The pressure to conceal one’s true self can lead to isolation, anxiety, and a persistent sense of invisibility. It also reinforces harmful narratives that acceptance must be earned rather than freely given. Over time, this pattern of concealment can disrupt self-concept and identity development, leading to internalised stigma and diminished self-worth, which are linked to higher risks of depression, chronic stress, and other adverse mental health outcomes. Conversely, access to affirming environments has been shown to foster resilience, positive self-esteem, and psychological well-being. These findings highlight the importance of creating structures that promote visibility, understanding, and affirmation. That’s why initiatives like RainbowFam are vital.

The RainbowFam initiative was created by RESET (Cyprus), GenderLens (Italy) and PersonalChange Lab (The Netherlands) to bridge the gap between professional services and the needs of the LGBTQIA+ community.

A Gap in Professional Training

Psychologists, counsellors, and other professionals working with queer individuals and families have become ardent advocates for LGBTQIA+ human rights. Yet advocacy alone isn’t enough. In our so-called “woke” era – that often congratulates itself on progress and inclusivity – it might be tempting to believe that the work of inclusion is nearly complete, that with the offering of LGBT-affirmative ethics and guidelines, we have achieved equality in professional care. The truth tells a different story. Despite progress, LGBTQIA+ people continue to experience disproportionate rates of depression, anxiety, self-harm, substance abuse, and suicide. These are not inherent to queer identities themselves, but rather consequences of discrimination, marginalisation, and family rejection; issues that remain inadequately addressed in professional education.

In our recent focus groups with over 40 psychologists and other mental health professionals across counselling, clinical, educational, and health settings, one recurring theme emerged: a lack of LGBTQIA+ specific training. Many participants shared that the industry is unprepared or under-equipped to support queer youth and their families, particularly when family conflict or cultural stigma is involved. Even well-meaning practitioners expressed uncertainty about the language, evolving identities, and emotional landscapes that characterise queer experiences today.

There was a shared understanding among participants that such training should not be optional; it must be an essential component of professional education. Health professionals consistently voiced a desire for structured opportunities to deepen their knowledge, to learn how to approach sensitive conversations with confidence and empathy, and to understand how to support families through the emotional terrain of acceptance and reconciliation. Yet the systems in which they work often do not make this a priority.

This lack of preparation creates significant consequences. When professionals do not possess affirming attitudes or current knowledge, therapy can inadvertently reinforce stigma rather than dismantle it. Some participants described how the absence of explicit validation—whether through silence, avoidance, or outdated assumptions—can exacerbate feelings of shame and alienation among queer clients. In more severe cases, non-affirming therapeutic experiences were observed to heighten distress, causing patients to withdraw from care altogether.

Good intentions are not enough

Good intentions, while important, are not the same as competence. Competence requires structured learning and continual development. To understand queer experiences fully, practitioners must engage with the concept of intersectionality. Queerness never exists in isolation – it is shaped by culture, race, religion, class, and other dimensions of identity. A queer young person from a conservative religious background, for instance, may experience layers of internal and external conflict that differ profoundly from those of someone raised in a more liberal environment. Recognising and respecting these intersections is essential for any form of genuine support.

Consulting with queer professionals or supervisors enhances clinical insight, especially in work with transgender and gender-diverse clients, where sensitivity to language, pronouns, and identity affirmation is crucial. These collaborations create spaces for reflection, for confronting personal biases, and for learning from lived experience. They help transform professional practice from one of passive acceptance to one of active affirmation.

True affirmation demands humility. It means acknowledging that learning about queer experiences is not a one-time training module but an ongoing process of listening and evolving. It involves examining one’s own assumptions and recognising how social norms, even unconsciously, can shape responses to clients’ identities. Affirmative practice is not simply about avoiding harm; it is about creating conditions for healing, growth, and pride.

Competence, therefore, is an act of care. It bridges the distance between good intentions and effective action, between tolerance and true allyship. Only through continued education, collaboration, and openness can professionals build the skills and awareness necessary to support queer individuals and their families with dignity and understanding.

As one psychologist in Cyprus put it,

“When LGBTQIA+ youth are seen, heard, and celebrated (not just tolerated), they discover that their lives have value,

their stories matter, and joy is possible.”

Co-created resource guide for mental health professionals

In response to these gaps, RainbowFam collaborated with psychologists, social workers, counsellors, and queer community members to create a comprehensive Resource for professionals – and for anyone seeking to better understand and support LGBTQIA+ individuals and their families. The guide offers a foundation in key concepts such as gender identity, sexual orientation, and gender expression. It provides an overview of the emotional complexities and challenges that LGBTQIA+ individuals and their families often face, and it outlines evidence-based best practices for counsellors and mental health professionals.

At its core lies a crucial principle: LGBTQIA+ identities are not risk factors in themselves. The higher rates of depression, substance use, self-harm, or suicidal ideation within these populations are not inherent to LGBTQIA+ identities but result from histories of discrimination, marginalisation, and abuse.

The RainbowFam Resource Guide was created to close this gap, to ensure that professionals have access to co-created, up-to-date, and evidence-based materials to guide their work.

You can access the guide online: https://rainbowfam.eu/resource-guide/

Learn more about the project through our website www.rainbowfam.eu or on Instagram at @its_rainbowfam